Brigid’s Diary

After the Shadowstorm

The Shadowstorm passed over the outpost two hours ago. Most of the able-bodied within the protected area have survived the passage, while all but a few of the wounded did not survive. It wounds me to see the number of soldiers of Amber that had been entrusted in my care that I could not save.

After the storm, the camp commander contacted our superiors back in Amber. Our orders were to return with all due haste, using the two ships we have remaining. The next several hours will be spent in loading the living and what supplies we can carry.

I have let it be known, that, once we set sail, I am not to be disturbed for anything less than severe injury or illness. Seasickness would not to be considered a severe illness, no matter how severe it seemed to the afflicted party.

###

Three days out

We have spent the last three days at full sail. At dinner earlier this evening, Malachi told us that it would be just one more day until we get to Amber.

I spent most of these three days asleep, recovering my strength. At the same time, I tried to expunge the nightmare memories of the blood and the dying from my mind. I am no longer so exhausted that I do not notice my dreams, so the nightmare that I had lived was now occupying my dreams. I confess to having to prescribe a strong sedative for myself in order to sleep that first night; I fared better the following nights, once I was strong enough to take command of my dreams.

It is as if I had to lance a boil in my unconscious; I was finally able to convince myself that I could not be held accountable for all of the deaths among the wounded, let alone in the entire camp. The deaths caused by the passing of the Shadowstorm were the most difficult to bear, all of those soldiers of Amber that had not been well enough to withstand its passing.

###

Amber

I am dictating this as I await the results of the inquiry.

I do not know what has happened to us, except that we have not returned to Amber, or at least, to the Amber we remember. Every memory I possess tells me that this must be a Shadow of Amber, yet the others who are attuned to the Pattern tell us that this is indeed our home. But even they did not believe it was home, not at first.

We sailed into Amber’s waters several hours ago. The changes started occurring then.

The first changes we noticed were that Tobias and I had physically changed.

Tobias had become much shorter and stockier, and developed a long beard. For all intents and purposes, Tobias had become a dwarf.

Although I do possess shapeshifting abilities, I did not realize at that time that I, too, had changed, until someone else pointed that fact out to me. My image in the mirror had become taller and more graceful, with an elegant set of pointed ears and entrancing emerald eyes. Without my realizing it, I had become one of the High Fae. It was as though I had danced the Circle for a forbidden fourth time without my realizing it.

Then, when we arrived at the Port, I noticed a number of changes in the Castle, the town, and even the ships in the harbor. I eventually saw that it also affected our vessels.

I saw curious individuals walking the streets of the city. I saw the pennants of the royals in residence flying in the breeze above the Castle, which, strangely enough, included the late Eric and the traitor Brand, but not my mother’s. I saw cannons on the ramparts of the castle, steam engine-driven mobiles on the streets of the city, and steam-driven, cannon-laden ships in the harbor, especially the ship named “Grand Adventure” which was flying Caine’s colors and was rapidly approaching our own.

After Caine came aboard, he quickly discovered our predicament. Instead of the royal reception at the docks, we members of the Family and the ship’s crew and soldiers were taken to a dockside warehouse, where an informal inquiry was to be held. Caine found our stories, matching from commander to common soldier, almost impossible to believe. The only person who could answer this riddle, Caine said, was Dworkin.

It was a most painful confrontation with Dworkin: I could not have imagined him as he appeared, for he also appeared as one of the highest Fae, even more so than myself, and was not only the father of Oberon, our grandfather, but the father of my own father.

I could never have imagined the sympathetic tones from him. He had heard our stories of another Amber and was just as resolute in his belief in this Amber. He argued that we had been imprinted with a Shadow of Amber during the Shadowstorm. I knew that could not be the cause, because my path of power went was different from the Pattern, that my memories of it could not have been affected by being so imprinted.

Thankfully, they were not minded to try to correct our memories, as our Family as we remembered them might have been tempted to do.

It was also during the inquiry that I discovered a very disturbing facet of my self.

In a moment of preoccupation and exasperation, I found myself leaning against a wooden wall. Except that I was not leaning; my arm had passed through the wall as if it were no more substantial than air. Or it was I that had become so insubstantial. Caine apparently did not notice. I quickly pulled my arm back, then touched the wood, not knowing whether to feel relieved or concerned by its solidity under my touch.

That led me to experiment further. Out in the common area I reached for the powers of sorcery I possess and levitated a cup from the table. My most uncomfortable surprise was that magick seemed easier here than I had known.

###

In the Anarchists Warren

While we were waiting for the results of the inquiry, Daniel’s father Random led an attack on the warehouse where we had been staying. An explosive device (another change!) blasted a hole in the wall, and Random grabbed his son and quickly departed.

In the guise of one of the anarchists, I followed Daniel and his father into their hiding place. I do not know whether it was the boredom and inactivity of the inquest, the need for information, or the desire to help Daniel that led me to this act.

I found it easy to shift my shape into the form of one of the anarchists. Later, by shifting myself into someone who appeared to belong, I was able to overhear Daniel and Random’s conversation. I will not repeat it here, for that was intended for their ears alone.

Daniel was finally able to convince his father to allow Daniel and myself to leave.

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